It's a Crazy Idea, But It Just Might Work, Sorta

The fact that I long ago decided to respectfully decline to take on political issues in my writing is herewith suspended. We are in an important election season, perhaps the most importantest ever, and it's time for each of us to take the time to put up or shut up. In a policy-wonkish way, of course.

To that end, I will now confront the divisive, emotionally-charged issue of illegal immigration. Specifically, I’d like to address the issue of immigration from Mexico, our sister state to the South. It’s no secret that our southern border is porous, or that federal funds have been allocated to build a 700-mile fence to stem the “invasion” (as some have callously termed it), and that parts of it may have actually been built. Nor it is a secret that the millions of Mexicans within our borders have come here, not for any nefarious purpose, but simply to follow the American dream, to make a better life for themselves and their families. Or that this country is allegedly spending an ungodly sum trying to keep these fine people out. This is a situation that cannot be allowed to continue.

My proposal is simple. They want to be Americans. It’s time to give them what they want.

Let's just go ahead and annex Mexico.

Adding the thirty-one Mexican states with the current population of roughly 107 million souls would be of great benefit to both our countries. It would simplify a great number of issues that currently seem insurmountable.

From a security standpoint alone the benefits are immediate and obvious. Our southern border is now about 1900 miles long. Moving it south to Belize and Guatemala would shorten this border to about 750 miles. A shorter border is much more defensible, especially if we use the 700-mile fence we’re already planning, just in a different place.

Of course, we’d gain about 5800 miles of coastline, but a beefed-up Coast Guard could handle that without serious problem. The expansion of the Coast Guard would be paid for by the tax revenues generated by the booming tourist resorts found on those coasts.

Which brings us to our second point. Annexation would be a boon to the economies of both parties in unification. All the tourist dollars flowing out of the US into Mexico, as well as the money sent home by Mexicans living and working in the US would all stay where it belongs: in the good old US of A. The rising costs of patrolling our border could be virtually eliminated as the focus moved further south, resulting in less spending and a more efficient budget.

And that’s just the US side. The money now being spent by the Mexican government to help its people leave their native country would be unnecessary. Plus, the entire population of Mexico would fall under US labor laws, including the minimum wage, the forty-hour workweek, and health benefits requirements. And with the free flow of goods and investments, the people of present-day Mexico wouldn’t know what hit them. In a good way, of course.

The Mexican military and police forces would have to be retrained, and it would take some little time to weed out corruption to acceptable (say, U.S. Congressional) levels, but we would finally be able to combat the drug trade on our own turf, by our own rules, without having to rely on the willingness of a foreign country to help us.

We would have to adopt Spanish as an official language, of course, but Spanish is already de facto official already. And the Mexican people would have to accept English as well, so it would be fair to everybody.

Adding thirty-one states would only add to the prestige of Old Glory. Eighty-one stars would require a field of nine rows of nine stars, a good omen if there ever was one.

Combining our governments would also be simple. Mexico already has a government similar in form and function to our own, complete with a bi-cameral Congress, a constitutional judicial system, a strong executive, and a disputed election system. There would be a time of growing pains, but I suspect things would settle down pretty quickly. And I think I’d like to see our American presidents wearing a sash on official occasions.

So, in closing, I say it’s time to put our differences behind us and offer to all Mexicans the right to be American citizens, in a very real and legally binding way. It’s right for America. It’s right for Mexico. It’s just the right thing to do.